2018

i rmb watching first winter olympics with Tulia and cheering Canada's first gold in Vancouver 2010 games.  Here we are, watching winter olympics again

Trying to write down little things about what the kids.

Tulia's kub car for scouts

She wants to make it the prettiest
Rex wants to help and says he care less aboutthe appearance but he wants it super fast. He refers to Tulia as putting makeup on the kub car

Folding clothes
I give kids some money for folding their clothes
Tulia keeps getting her basket full so she gets to fold more and "get paid" more
Rex would change clothing as little as possible to minimize folding

Growing old
Once in a while we talk about us growing old and kids becoming adults. So last night Tulia suddenly 好感觸 saying that how time flies. And soon we will get old and die. She said if she goes to university and move out she will still come and visit. Then Rex said when he grows up and have kids our family will be big. And maybe he will live with us. At that time he would be cutting up mangoes for us in small pieces, and they eat the pits, just like what we do for them now. Touching

Chillaxing
At dinner (5/16) Tulia was asking why I have to work so hard.  I should be "chil-laxing" more

Cooking (5/29)
我估Tulia開始發育了吧，這年胃口很不錯，也嚐了我烹調的不同食物。其實我並沒什麼烹飪的天份，畢竟這也是一門藝術，我最不在行的。就好像一個日式芝士蛋糕，因為Tulia什麼蛋糕也不吃，就只吃這個，我卻弄了三次還不像樣。言歸正轉，就是昨天早了回家所以晚餐就特別一點。是有點意外，那個焗Panko 椰菜花很受BuBu & Tulia 歡迎，這陣子Tulia總是很懂說話，也給了我很大的鼓勵，說可以拿出去賣，又說要教她如何弄這弄那。希望這樣的日子久一點，那我會花更多心機多試不同的食譜。

Future dream jobs

(Tulia) underwater photographer, librarian, nun
(Rex) scientist, inventer, mathatician, superhero, priest

Halloween
Kids went to get candies, told to be able to keep 10 items each. So happy that Tulia got kit kats fot me, and rex gave me,all his candies comprised of kit kats and smarties from scout, all for me. Touched and thankful

Phrases from Rex

Wooby = Whoopsy
I bum know = I don't know
Cue me = Excuse me
I'm so bum = I'm so dumb
O mo = O No
Yippur mummy = yes mummy
Ga Bei = Ga Jei

前世情人

Rex, although always rough and non-stop in action, he gets to the soft spot of my heart.  He now calls me his girlfriend, and his crush, wakaka.  I doubt this would be for very long, before he has his first real crush.  But as a mommy, even a little bit of this from my little boy melts me.

Date with Tulia

I went out to a Ten Ren's Tea colouring date with Tulia last night.  This is one of the first girl dates with my special girl and I feel really cool to be her "first date", haha.  My little girl is really growing up fast.  We now can go out together.  She was really excited last night, ordering her own drink (and finishing it too), ordered her favourite crispy chicken, sang along to her favourite songs and even danced a bit. She was very chatty, probably due to excitement.  Of course we were colouring too.  She was very encouraging, (reassuring that I can actually colour within the lines).  She said one day when I die, she'll cry for a day, and she will miss my hug the most.  Sense of touch, I have learnt over the years, that hugs do magic.  I am an introvert, unable to express many of my feelings.  However, I am surrounded by extroverts (Tulia & Rex) who are not-at-all shy in asking for intimate hugs.  Motherhood is tough, it is tiring, it is discouraging when I get nowhere without a scream or a scold; but it has given me a strong bond with my two little monsters.  Tulia, although I know you grow faster than I can anticipate, although I know you will be spending less and less time with us as you have friends and develop your own life, please remember we are always here, for you, whenever, wherever.  I hope you and I will always be friends.  I hope I can do my role as being there for you all the time now, and transition into my changing role of being less and less important in your life well.  It is tough to give up myself for the kids.  As I adjust to being needed, it is even harder to let go.  

How long are they babies

Tulia's backpack broke two weeks ago and we needed to get her a new one.  Last weekend I went to Canadian Tire and saw a princess backpack on sale so I got it.  Then I asked if she still wants Disney backpacks, to which her answer was no.  She's looking for simple design ones now, like a Roots backpack that two of her classmates uses.  Time has gone by when she's crazy about Disney and a sign of growing up .. kind of feel 患得患失indeed

As for Mr. Rex, still a mommy's baby.  We now do a routine of kiss, hug, kiss and quietly say goodnight.  Although short, it surely is sweet.

死亡

你有否想過自己什麼時候會死去？坦白說，工作以及照顧小朋友，我每天的日子都不夠時間用，所以真的沒怎麼想過這個題目。那為什麼今天會無端端說起這東西呢？事緣就由這張Tulia昨天寫給我的note開始。

她要我答，而那個剔就是我給的答案。我問她為什麼這樣問，又不是明天就打算去嫁人了。然後Tulia又說，可以給她一隻寵物嗎？（這個我一直在推塘著，因為我真的沒時間再多照顧什麼生物，也不想因為我的疏忽照顧而令生物怎麼怎麼）她說，如果我死了，這樣她還有寵物可以陪她（聽完以後也有點sad）。接著安頓她去睡時，她跟我說Goodbye，說什麼萬一我這晚就去世，她也跟我道別了。從來跟她說死亡，我也是輕描淡寫的，所以我說，如果我這個晚上就要離開，記得盡快把我所有器官捐出。然後她又問到，人死了以後怎處理，我說不是土葬就是火葬吧。我說如果我的時候到了，把我火葬以後是可以放在家中，要不和細佬分了，要是Rex不要，她可以keep全部的。她問，那燒了的灰是否就像聖灰瞻禮我們所領受的嗎（她打算把骨灰在額頭劃十字）？然後她又跟著說，到她死去的那天，也把自己的灰燼跟我的放在一起。嘩！真沒想到她想到這麼遠呢！

話說回來，我不知道，原來對她來說，我的死亡並是不太遙遠的事（她說在她16歲時）， 所以她已經在準備了。我說我會努力讓自己能好好活著，陪她長大，陪她結婚，陪她走很遠很遠的路。不過她也讓我想到，倘若我真的只有不夠十年的時間陪著她，我可以為她留下什麼呢？

2015-12-03

今朝開車上班期間，Rex哭著打來，說要我送他去搭校巴，問我可否現在就放工，因為他要媽媽抱抱。雖然心是會痛的，但，可能好像有點「變態」，但我希望這不是最後一次。第一個小朋友，總想她快點長大，可以照顧自己。可是看著胡靜靜，我是真正感受到，時間是一天一天的溜走，當我再好好看這個已經長到差不多我膊頭咁高嘅Tulia…前天我坐在「餵奶凳」上，兩個小孩輪著扮飲，可是腿已長到不知放到那裡時，原來我的baby都這麼大了。現在我只是希望他們別這麼快就長大。

晚上的Tulia都要跟我Hug很久很久的，有很多計要傾，這個也不知可以維持多久呢？即使每天有多累，這樣的一個擁抱，真是很窩心的！